Beginning a child custody case takes courage. In many circumstances, it is easier to sit idly by and allow the current situation with your family to continue without interruption. Even if it is not a desirable circumstance your family may be more comfortable with the status quo. What you know may be better than what you do not know in other words. This is the mindset of people, even if they are in an undesirable circumstance involving their family.
However, you need to ask yourself if this is the outcome you want for your family. Is your child better off with the current life he leads? Or would it change for your child to be something positive? This is something that your family needs to assess. By filing a child custody case you acknowledge that Something can be improved in the life of your child. This is how they stepped toward bettering the life of your child in a tangible sense.
A potential roadblock in accomplishing a positive outcome for your child can be found if your co-parent is a narcissist. For tips and information on how to handle age a child custody case involving a narcissist stick around. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan are right here to help you develop a strategy geared toward helping your children.
What is a narcissist?
There are clinical definitions of the term narcissist that can be looked up in psychiatric manuals or guidebooks. For today’s blog post, we refer to a narcissist as Someone who is infatuated with themselves. This is the person who puts their well-being ahead of anyone else. That includes parents who care more about their interests than they do their children. When your co-parent looks out for themselves more than your children then it is likely that person is a narcissist.
On top of that, the narcissist thinks he or she can do no wrong. The narcissist tends to believe that their abilities are greater than what they are. When you hear about a narcissist It is not a stretch to say that this is someone who believes in their abilities to the detriment of others. Working with the narcissist means never receiving an ounce of credit for hard work submitted on a project. The narcissist will gobble up credit like a starving hippopotamus.
On top of that, narcissist makes themselves the center of attention at every possible moment. The spotlight is never far from the narcissist. Even if it is, the narcissist will pull that spotlight back to shine on him or her no matter what else is going on. This is frustrating since parents should ideally put the interests of their children first. Any issue that is ongoing with your child typically is reframed in the context of the life of your co-parent. Nothing can be about your child first and foremost. Rather, every issue must be recast placing the central focus on your co-parent.
Document everything
Beginning a child custody case with a narcissist means taking nothing for granted. When you file a child custody petition against your narcissistic coparent you will come face to face with a great deal of anger. Narcissists believe that they can do no wrong. As a result, that you would insinuate anything negative about any child custody petition is difficult for that person to imagine. As a result, be prepared to withstand some initial anger and disbelief on the part of your co-parent. This does not mean that you should back down. However, it means you need to have a plan when it comes to approaching this subject.
A narcissist will not have any second thoughts about lying or fabricating elements of their past to make themselves look better. The goals of a narcissist are simple. A narcissist wants to feel like they are appreciated in that everyone comes in second place. When your co-parent is pushed, he is unlikely to be reasonable with you. Even acknowledging simple facts and truths about your family life may prove to be challenging in the context of the family law case.
One way to counteract this tendency on the part of your co-parent is to document everything important to your case. For example, conversations that you have with your co-parent should be documented. This does not necessarily mean recording phone calls, but you may choose to do this. If nothing else, keeping a record of these conversations is important for organizing your case. Your recordings or documents do not have to be used as evidence in the case. However, seems that simply keeping track of things for your knowledge is a step in the right direction.
Have a plan and a firm set of goals
When you approach a family law case with a narcissist you cannot do so without a goal in mind. What do you want to accomplish in the case? If you are not approaching the case from this mindset, you are setting yourself up for disaster. Narcissists inevitably have their own goals for a case. You cannot expect to accomplish much of anything when your narcissist spouse expects to use the child custody case to further their ambitions regarding custody and anything else. Amassing power is the goal of a narcissist. Your children are merely pawns in that effort.
Developing a handful of goals for your case is important period this does not mean that you must necessarily keep each of those goals for the duration of your case. However, if you can start with a few goals in your case you are more likely to be productive. It is possible to wander into a child custody case. However, it is incredibly difficult to wander your way out of one. Rather, you need to have meaningful goals and a plan to achieve those goals. Are you having issues coming up with the strategy? Talk to an experienced family law attorney.
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan helps clients create goals
If you have a clear-cut plan for your child custody case then you are off to a good start. However, if you are wondering where to begin then you are not alone. Many parents who begin a child custody case do so without a thought-out plan. This can be an issue for several reasons. Not the least of which is that families need to be able to know what direction they are going. What does your family stand for? How do you maximize your time with one another? Answering these questions is the key to better preparing for your future.
As you begin to look forward to your family law case you can consider the advantages that working with an experienced family law attorney creates. This does not mean that hiring an attorney solves each of your problems. What it does mean is that working with an attorney can better position you to accomplish reasonable goals in your case. It is up to you to determine the goals. An attorney can help you focus on the important issues of your case. It is easy to lose track of goal setting throughout a case.
Many people consider making it out of their child custody case “in one piece” to be a worthwhile goal. While it may be on one level the fact remains that your child is not served by such a modest goal. Rather, your child deserves you to shoot for the stars when it comes to their life. An experienced family law attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan knows how to maximize your case for your specific family needs.
Focus on the best interests of your child
The most important factor for any child custody case is what is in the best interests of your children. This sounds subjective and in a way it is. A judge will use their experience and opinions to gauge what is in your child’s best interests. However, more objective factors like your history as a parent, the circumstances of your case, the developmental needs of your child, and other issues will also be considered when determining the best interests of your child.
Be prepared to argue that your being named as the primary conservator of your child is in their best interests. A narcissistic parent will not hesitate to offer their opinion on the situation. You can bet your bottom dollar that he or she is prepared to argue that your child should live with him or her full-time. After all the narcissist is so impressed with himself that your parenting abilities must not be nearly as good as his or hers. Any issues with your child will likely be made better by your co-parent and worsened by you.
In short, the best interests of your child may not be served by your co-parent being the primary conservator. That will not stop him or her from making that argument. You need to be able to build a case showing that you have been the primary caretaker of your child to this point. Additionally, it is wise to start compiling evidence to show that your co-parent’s narcissism has harmed your child. What events from your child’s past can substantiate this argument?
Establish boundaries
Boundaries are critical to the success of any relationship. Good fences build good neighbors, as they say. Being able to have your own personal space is critical to developing a sense of self. We are individuals who live within a social setting. However, there needs to be a balance between acting as an individual and being part of a group. When members of a group do not honor boundaries that sets you up for difficulties as far as your parenting is concerned.
First, the narcissist does not think he can do any wrong. Has your co-parent ever made a last-second change to the visitation plan? Thinking nothing of your schedule, he may drop your son off either too early or too late. Sorry- he explains- the movie ran late. You don’t mind, do you? Or, he drops your son off early saying that he needed to get started on a project for work. No big deal- it’s not like your life is equal to that of your co-parent. In short, the narcissist crosses the line both physically and relationally without a second thought.
This teaches the wrong lessons to your child. Part of growing up is seeing positive behavior modeled by your parents. Not having proper boundaries means seeing your child suffer the consequences. Not being able to form long-lasting relationships is one way that your child may suffer as a result of poor knowledge of boundaries. Being firm with your co-parent about your own boundaries is one way to build a better co-parenting relationship.
Seek professional help
There are many professionals who can help you when co-parenting with a narcissist. A good family therapist is a place to start. For instance, talk to your co-parent about their willingness to see a counselor for individual therapy. You probably won’t want to attend therapy with your co-parent but he or she could be interested in attending individual therapy with you. This can help us get on the same page with one another and learn better communication skills.
Next, if you are going through a divorce with a narcissist then having a financial planner/advisor on board can help you immensely. Imagine a situation where your spouse is trying to hide information from you. He or she may not think that you are worthy of receiving certain updates or information about your case. Why should he have to share information with you? That is the mindset of the narcissist who can do no wrong. A financial planner can help you identify potential problem areas. He or she may be able to point out what sort of documents to request from your spouse in discovery.
Finally, an experienced real estate agent could be what you need if selling your home becomes an option. Many times a narcissist will be unwilling to take advice from anyone. If you need to sell your home but repairs or other remediation are needed first a strong real estate agent can make sure he understands that. Otherwise, you may be put in a situation where your spouse forces you to put the house on the market before it is ready.
Hire an experienced attorney
Above all else, when it comes to professionals, an attorney is critical for your success in a family law case. Family law cases are like any other area of the law in that they deal with issues that are not seen in other areas of law. Family law is unique, in order words. To that end, when you are building a family law case it is wise to have the counsel of an attorney close by. A practicing family law attorney knows what works and what does not. Rather than guessing at issues in your case work with an attorney.
Your narcissist co-parent thinks he can do no wrong. It’s also likely that he thinks that he is owed something. Almost like the family law case is a formality. He deserves a positive outcome for no other reason than he is who he is. This is not fair to you. If you are not careful he will try to walk all over you. This means that your goals may not be reachable because you have a co-parent who is aggressive. He won’t stop trying to reach his goals until someone puts up resistance.
That is where an attorney with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan can come in handy. Our attorneys have backbones of steel. We have confidence in our abilities because we have the results to prove our methods are effective. Your co-parent may be difficult to handle. However, your case would not be our first in dealing with a difficult co-parent. We don’t back down from a fight.
The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side
Thank you for choosing to spend part of your day with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan. Our attorneys serve clients across the State of Texas. We also post unique and informative blog posts each day of the week for people just like you. This blog is a great resource for people just like you who are looking for answers.
Custody cases can work out well for families who have a plan. The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan have what it takes to help you develop a plan. Being intentional, having a plan, and standing up for your child is what a custody case is all about.
Questions about the material contained in today’s blog post? Contact the Law Office of Bryan Fagan
The attorneys with the Law Office of Bryan Fagan offer free of charge consultations six days a week in person, over the phone, and via video. These consultations are a great way for you to learn more about the world of Texas family law. Before signing a document or negotiating on a subject you do not know well, contact our office. We look forward to the opportunity of serving you during an important part of your life. The Law Office of Bryan Fagan is on your side.
Evan Hochschild was raised in Houston, TX and graduated from Cypress Creek High School. He went on to graduate from Southwestern University in Georgetown, TX with an undergraduate degree in Political Science. While in college, Evan was a four-year letterman on the Cross Country team.
Following in the footsteps of his grandfather and uncle before him, Evan attended law school after he completed in his undergraduate studies. He graduated from St. Mary’s University School of Law and has practiced in a variety of areas in the law- including family law.
Mr. Hochschild is guided by principles which place the interests of clients first. Additionally, Evan seeks to provide information and support for his clients with the heart of a teacher.
Evan and his wife have four small children together. He enjoys afternoons out and about with his family, teaching Sunday school at his church and exercising. A veteran attorney of fourteen years, Mr. Hochschild excels in communicating complex ideas in family law simply and directly.
